It seems my bones are always cold lately. I sit in front of the space heater or the fireplace. Or I get behind the wheel of my car and melt into the seat warmer with the heat blasting onto my feet. Or I go to the tub. I find myself longing for a hot bath only a couple of hours after my last one. Winter is practically here.
Lately I spend all my free time meditating and listening to audio books about spirituality. I asked someone if I should be worried about becoming addicted to meditation, and she chuckled easily. To enter a heightened state of calm using only our own body and mind is the ultimate display of self-sufficiency. It is a blessing, not an addiction.
Each day I commit myself to small increments of time spent in meditation, and this consistent practice of returning to a state of peace and love is rewiring my thought process. The more I practice awareness of my thoughts in meditation, the more that awareness bleeds over into every other part of my daily life when I’m not meditating. I’m training my brain. Creating habits. And it’s all about the return to that state of peace and love, which I’m learning is accessible at any time.
I’m sensitive. Hyperaware. Intuitive. My radar is always on. My colorful imagination can easily weave together all of the information I have picked up on into various quilts of possible outcomes, and I envision the worst possible scenario as though by doing so, I can somehow protect myself if and when that worst-case scenario actually happens. Suddenly I have spiraled into an anxiety-filled state of fear of what might happen, but isn’t actually real. Some of us respond to fear by avoiding the situation that elicits the fear, and some of us respond by trying to control the situation. I think we use different tactics depending on the fear we are facing, but most of the time I’m in the controlling camp.
In October, I read Gabrielle Bernstein’s latest book The Universe has your Back: Transform Fear to Faith. The book was one of those life-changing reads for me. Fear is something I experience often and write about often. I know it well. In the last couple of months, I’ve started the practice of surrendering my fear to something greater than me and in turn releasing myself from the need to control outcomes as a form of self-protection and self-preservation. I’m letting go, and oh how free I feel.
I’ve been reading other books based on the spiritual thought system known as A Course in Miracles, and everything I read really resonates with me. If you’re looking for some good reads touching on fear, anxiety, love, forgiveness and spirituality, you might be interested in these books:
Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein
Love is Letting go of Fear by Gerald Jampolsky
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
Tears to Triumph by Marianne Williamson
The Universe has your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein